I was born an only child. Not
because my parents did not want plenty of kids, but because on some “limiting” factors
they never told me directly. Initially happy with being an only child, I then
learned how lonely it is without a sibling. My cousins, who were much older
than me, served as my playmates, but they were not always available since they
were already in high school during that time.
I would usually say “Ayoko ng kapatid. Masaya naman ako.” during
at time. Things changed when my mother would bring a playmate, the daughter of
her friend, to our house and we would play “shop”. (We pretend to have a shop
and we “buy and sell” our “goods” – mostly our toys. My mother would relate how
I would very sad when my playmate was about to leave.
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| Me (wearing red shirt). My much-older cousin (in gray shirt) at the back. |
Growing up without playmates
of the same age, my social skills development, I believe, was affected the most.
Although I had some playmates in elementary school, someone to lean on, someone
that can keep my secrets is someone I never had in my childhood. It was around
late high school when I noticed that I am most attracted to petite girls with
innocent-looking faces (cute, girly and little), although I never considered
courting an important thing before (probably because I was satisfied when I
could pinch their faces with impunity).
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Now I want to have someone who
fits the perfect little sister image I have. Ayoko ng kapatid na lalaki, gusto ko magkaroon ng kapatid na babae. Someone to
talk to and have fun with is what I want. I used to be left alone at home most
of the time, that’s why I’m used to a quiet environment and is probably what honed
my creative writing skills. (When I took an informal psychological test, my creative
imagination was said to be one of my most powerful skills.) Although I used to
be a shy person, I’m outgoing too much that sometimes I’m clingy to people. I
never run out of stories to tell as long as the person who’s with me resonates
with my interests. Of course, sometimes I crave for positive attention, thus my
exaggerated gestures sometimes.
To be honest, there was a time
when I felt superior in thought since, having no one to talk to, I would read
about socio-political issues surrounding the world. It was exposure to
pro-environmental shows that shaped my environmentalism. It also gave me the
thing I want to do with my life. Then I realize, there are also many more
people promoting environmental principles, so I’ve decided that I want to join
them someday, even in the littlest of ways. (Greenpeace is popular, but I’m
pro-GMO which is in contrast to their staunch opposition to GMO.)
Being an only child also has a
few, unnoticeable benefits. I have some secrets not even my parents or
relatives know. Being alone at home can also allow me to do some things I
cannot do fully in public. A few already know, since I already gave them little
clues. But the deepest of them all? One can find out by reading a
password-protected MS Word document file in one of the folders of my Google Drive.
(Regrading my search for a
little sister, read “On the Kuya-Zone” for more information.)
